The Award

Have you ever felt like no one pays attention to you? Or that you;re being left out? These are some of the feeling Erin Suanchen had. So how did things change? Find out in "The Award" posted below

I thought my parents and I had an understanding... well it seems we did but not the same understanding. I was under the impression now that I was writing all of the songs and participiting with the family on stage I was going to be involved in all aspects.... nope. The proof of that was the fact I was sitting in a hotel room alone watching the Suanchen Family Singers spill their hearts to a reporter. I was sitting on my bed watching and playing a game on my new phone which my brother Tony called a “Smart Pager.” It still fits since due to a birth defect I can't speak traditionally.

A text popped up from my best friend Sonya.

“Where are you?” the text asked.

I sighed and typed back “In hotel room,”

“Why aren't you with them?” the next text asked.

It was odd to some people that Sonya and I got along so well. She was born deaf so she would never hear music but we had connected as children in school. I had taken classses with many deaf chidlren since I use sign language to communicate it was easier that way.

Now Sonya was the only one willing to listen. I texted back: “I've been wondering the same thing,”

At that moment I heard my name from the screen “You have another daughter where is she this evening?” the reporter asked.

“Erin is very shy and chose to stay at the hotel.” my Mother answered very quickly, too quickly.

“You shy?” came Sonya's next text followed by “that's a lie,”

I was fuming. I had brought clothing for the interview and had been ready to go before my sisters only to be informed I was staying at the hotel. “People won't understand,” my father had said. Now they were saying the oposite. I contemplated texting my eldest brother who was seated next to my father.

It seemed as if Tony was channeling my frustration because he darted a scathing look at my mother.

A part of me wanted to shut it off but I watched till the end.

“You okay,” came another text from Sonya.

I couln't respond because I was numb. Tears were streaming down my cheeks.

Another text came in from my brother Tony “Coming to pick you up for dinner,”

It was only a few minutes before I heard a knock on my door. The door opened after a moment or two and my eldest brother stepped in. He sat down next to me and hugged me. Out of my four siblings I have always been closest to him. Maybe it's his protectiveness or his empathy. I've never been sure he just has always understood me on some level. “They're still ashamed of me,” I signed to him.

He frowned and hugged me again. “Come on let's go. I told Mom and Dad we'd meet them at the restaurant.”

I cast a glance at him of confusion.

He smiled “Really Erin I'm twenty years old I decided to rent my own vehicle and drive myself.”

I told him I was ready and we walked down to the parking garage to a fancy two seater. I rolled my eyes and signed “Seriously?”

Tony laughed “You expected me to rent what mini van?”

I gave a silent laugh before sitting in the passenger seat and buckled.

We drove to a fancy restaurant and walked in.

“Suanchen,” Tony told the Maitre' de

“I only have a reservation for six sir.” the Maitre'de informed him.

Tony nodded “I see,” with one look at me struggling to keep my tears from falling he turned and we left. “How does sushi sound?” he asked once we were back in the car.

I nodded.

We stopped at a small sushi restaurant where Tony ordered a tray for us to share.

Tony's phone rang. He shook his head “How much you want to bet it's Dad?” he asked.

I responded “Not a fair bet if we agree,”

With a sigh Tony answered his phone “Antoine Richard where are you?!” the phone did not need to be on speaker for me to hear our father's scream.

Tony responded calmly “Having dinner with my sister,” before saying another word he set the phone down and placed it on speaker

“We were going to take something back for Erin.”

I asked Tony to ask him the question which had been plagueing me since the interview “Are they ashamed of me?”

Tony nodded and asked my question out loud.

“The world woudn't understand,” Father responded.

“Forget the world; what do you think?” Tony tried again.

There was a long pause “If the world knew they...”

I shook my head “I have my answer.” I signed to my brother.

Tony nodded “We'll talk later,” and he hung up. He met my eyes “What do you want to do now?” he asked. “Technically I'm still your manager and Agent,” he added with a grin.

I sighed “Send me home. I can stay with Sonya's family for awhile. If they won't let me attend public outtings except for performances which we don't have scheduled.... I don't know why I'm here.”

Tony nodded. We finished our meal and headed back to the hotel where I began packing.

After the rest of the family arrived back at the hotel Tony told my parents about my decision to stay with Sonya. When I tried to explain why they didn't even look at me to be able to read my hands.

“Perhaps that is best,” Mama said.

Arrangements were made for the Smith's to pick me up ay the airport.

While on the plane I wrote what would become another song for the Suanchen Family Singers and wondered if they ever truly read the lyrics:

The wieght is crushing, crushing me into the ground

How long do you expect me to live with that look

Shame... shame what did I do wrong?

There's shame in your eyes tonight is it what I deserve?

Tell me the wrong I have done to warrant this your wall

Shame you can not hide you feel it. It's in your eyes and actions....

Aside from half of them being deaf the Smith family was always a normal family. Mr. Smith had also been born deaf and had met his wife at restaurant where she had been a waitress.

Mrs. Smith was now a professor at a local university where she taught Latin. She hugged me as soon as I stepped off the plane. They appreciated me.

Ben, Sonya's baby brother toddled over and hugged my leg.

That night there was quiet family meal after which we watched the news. There were many paparazzi shots of The Sunchens having fun together.

“It does seem odd that we never see Erin,” one of the comentators said after the pictures were done.

“How shy do you hae to be to not even spend time with your family, then again... she does perform on stage.” the other comentator responded.

“It can not be healthy for her to remain in seclusion,”

I signed “I don't think my parents' story is going last very long.

The closed captioning was a touch off of what was being said but both Mr. Smith and Sonya could read lips.

“I don't think they thought this through,” Mrs Smith answered.

Tony came and got me a week later.

We arrived home at the same time as the mail.

There were two letters addressed to me. I opened one them and discovered the following

Dear Erin Suanchen,

this letter is to inform you that you have been nominated for the Best new Lyricist category in the Amnesry awards.

I passed the letter to Tony before opening the second which was a a nomination for best new composer.

Tony hugged me. “Of course you'll need a designer dress.”

Over dinner everything almost unraveled.

“Erin we are proud of you,” Father said “however you going onstage and accepting an award is out of the question,”

I glared at him and began to sign in fury “I am going if I have to sneak in and telling the world the truth.”

“But Erin dear, most people don't understand sign language,” Mother cut in.

“I'll translate for her.” Tony answered.

“People are starting to think I'm a recluse. I want the world to know the truth,” I began signing quickly “we could bring awareness to my condition. I know there are others like me for various reasons, use that.”

Mama blinked “Erin... I... you really want everyone to know...”

I nodded “Why do you think I created Stille Singer in the first place? Unless you're ashamed of me...” I signed sadly.

Mama hugged me “If this is really what you want then we will support you.”

Dad sighed “Fine, but don't get your hopes up too much after all you've only been nominated and who will translate for you if you do win?”

“Tony,”

“It woud be my honor,” Tony answered “and I already said I would.”

The next morning Mama took me, Annie and Maria to her favorite designer Pierre Hanisen.

He hugged and kissed all of us. “I have heard about the nomination, you must be Erin.” he said with a smile. “Any preferences?” he asked.

Mama swallowed “She needs something which will allow the movement of her hands to be seen...” she took a deep breath “She is.... she is mute and needs her hands to speak.”

Pierre nodded “I see, well we will need some measurements an then I have an idea,”

The day of the awards ceremony arrived and we returned to Pierre's to pick up our dresses.

My dress was a form fitting rose color with the sleeves a mostly clear material except at my wrists where a design of music notes encircled the base of my hand. I signed a thank you to Pierre. It was perfect.

As we sat at the table for the award dinner I knew the world would be watching.

I took a deep breath as they announced the nominees for Best new composer.

“We are proud of you for being nominated,” Mama whispered as the host opened the envelope.

“Erin Suanchen,”

“Ready?” Tony asked.

I nodded and we walked on stage for the acceptance speech. I also took home the best new lyricist.

A week later the entire family was preparing for another interview including me. I talked with the woman who would be translating my signs before we sat down for the interview. She was perfectly in sync with everything I said. My father announced we were creating a charity called the Stille Singers for others like me.

I smiled. Now we truly were a family of singers.